The Mind Game

It is on the last day of almost every year that my mind almost reaches its threshhold of holding up the internal chatter and procastination doesnt seem to be an option as it would lead to a new year. Well, I would want to streamline the uncontrolled stream of thoughts the same year from which they belong. 

 Today is 05Nov2025 and I visited my blog as I wanted to write to untangle my thoughts for the longest time this year. I saw there was a draft post dated 31Dec2022 and opened it. It read as you read the last two lines (above). I have entered my 40s and starting anything new is a task, so very predictably I build on the draft written in 2022. Also, look at the irony that I start writing the first entry of 2025 in the second last month of the year. Life really changes as you touch 40. 

Mine changed in reverse. I thought I was getting old when i still 33 years old in 2019 and I really need to live my life in the way instragram shows- reconnecting with friends, living a slow life in the mountains, having lots of time to present for friends. I was truely excited for this imaginary insta life and started working towards it. Made time for friends but only to keep waiting that someone might return that call or someone might comeover or join me on a trip...  I had plans to retire from my regular job as soon as touch 40 years. Then in 2022, my son came into my life and life kind of stopped there while at the same time began to run a marathon. At 40, finally my eyes have opened and see truth. 'Akele aaye ho akele jana hai...' 

Not that before any of my friends aligned with my dream of reconnecting with them which I had started understanding within 2 years of the time when the wonderful thought of slow life and more presence had come to my mind. To add to it, when I become a mother- as much as I had fantisized that friends and family would be around celebrating and supporting me in every moment of my motherhood- not even an ounce of it was presented to me. That was the biggest Let Down!  But as they say- it all is and it all was always in my head. Well, I can't deny that once in a while reality too supports the stuff in my head. I accept! I move on....

Lets hit it from ground zero hereon...